The World’s Top Tennis Players’ Reactions to Djokovic’s Victory

Once again there was no getting past Novak Djokovic at the Australian Open. A fact that very much annoyed the tournament’s two other main favorites Roger Federer and Andy Murray. Once the Serb had finished his celebrations, the world’s top tennis players met at Melbourne Airport in this (fictitious) encounter…

Djokovic (obviously dead tired but still drunk with joy and with the trophy stuck in his bag): “Ideeemo!! I’m the Number 1, the only true Number 1! The King of Australia – yeah!!”

Federer (grumbling irritatedly, with Myla Rose on his lap): “If he pulls off his shirt now that would be just what I need. My God, it just couldn’t be worse. He’s now won the Australian Open as many times as me – it just can’t be true!”

Mirka (playing around with her mobile phone): “Stop whining, Roger. You’ve had your chances and just didn’t convert them. Incredible how Murray got the better of you in the fifth set…”

Federer (gloomy): “It was not my fault that this muscleman just played at the top of his game in the match against me. No one is usually able to do that – maybe against other players, but not against me!”

Mirka (in a know-it-all manner): “Well, the winds have apparently changed. But at least I got one more day of shopping…”

Murray (strolling through the foyer with a blank expression on his face): “Not those guys again… Those faces are slowly but surely getting on my nerves…”

Ferrer (nodding approvingly and burying his head in his hands): “I’ve had about enough of it too. Why am I so bad player? It’s the true, no? Five games against the Nole, five games…”

Nadal (joining the others, limping): “Ferru, at least you’re still better than me, no? I’ll never win anything again after my long injury. My goodness, I’m not even sure if I should try a comeback, no? I won’t stand a chance anyway…”

Djokovic and Federer (reluctantly and not very convincing): “Ah, come on, Rafa. We’ve been missing you on the tour.”

Davydenko (loudly): “Missing him? My arse! I’ve certainly not been missing Rafa, although I’m the only one around here with a positive record against him…”

Nadal (discouraged): “See…”

Murray (resolutely): “Ah shut up, Rafa. You know as well as I do that you’ll be playing all of us into the ground again on clay.”

Federer (barging in): “Hey hey, not so fast. I’ll be the one to beat in Roland Garros. Or who among you guys has won a title in Paris yet, apart from Rafa, who’s unfortunately been injured?”

Djokovic (thumping his chest): “Don’t make me laugh, Roger. You all know that the win in Roland Garros will be mine this year. Here comes the Grand Slam – Ideeemo!”

Djokovic s mother (calling from the back): “The King is dead, long live the King!”

Nadal and Federer glance at each other and keep quiet.

Federer (mumbling): “When will the Djokovic family ever understand that I am the GOAT?”

Tomic (speaking up in a casual manner as usual): “Everyone knows that I’ll be the ultimate GOAT in the near future. Let’s face it: I beat Djokovic in Perth, which makes me the actual winner of the Australian Open.”

Nadal (intimidated): “This is all getting a bit too much for me…”

Tsonga (at the back): “Must be the hormones…”

Mirka (indignantly): “What? I’m not pregnant!”

Murray (whispering): “As if…”

Kimiko Date-Krumm (embarrassed): “I’m the only one around here who should be pregnant. At 42, I’m long overdue. Even Steffi Graf has started to put pressure on me…”

Federer (irritated): “What do you know about pressure?”

Nadal (gloomy): “Pressure, oh my God. I just can’t do this anymore…”

Djokovic and Murray (talking insistently to Nadal): “Rafa, you’re probably right. Why don’t you take a longer break? You’ve a lot of points to defend until Wimbledon, maybe this is all getting a bit much for you…”

Federer (smiling mischievously and casually strolling away with his family): “Rafa will get the shock of his life in Paris, guaranteed!”